God is concerned with relationships. God cares about the relationship we have with Him. He cares about the relationships we have with others. Some argue that God’s message to us centers around the fact that relationship, how we connect to God and others, matters. Throughout the scriptures God uses countless illustrations describe the different aspects of relationships we have with Him and how they each matter. Groom & Bride, Father & son, teacher & student, master & servant, creator & creation and on and on.

We do not need the scriptures to tell us that relationships matter. Our hearts yearn for relationship and if they don’t it maybe because of a bad relationship. The highest and lowest point in my life have come out of relationships! Walking through life alone, absent from relationship with our Creator or his creation, hurts.

If you are part of the Crash community or even if you’re not, it should never be an option for you to have to walk life alone.  We have several groups of friends that meet throughout the valley to live life together.  Our friends Chuck and Anita Walker have been gracious enough to open their house in central Phoenix (11th Ave and Glendale) on Monday nights in order to do life together. For the next month or so we will be covering a book called Gracenomics (www.potsc.com/gracenomics/)  written by Mike Foster and discussing what God’s love and grace look like in our lives, relationships and city. No qualifications to come, just the desire to do life together. You can email me (danny.estavillo@gmail.com) if you have questions or want more details. This is not the only group in town so if Monday doesn’t work for you or you’re looking for something different drop me a line.

Last thing, we will be praying this blessing at the end of every Crash service throughout the Wisdom 2.0 series.  I encourage to take a look at it and see if it helps you see who God is in your situation. Maybe it could help lead you to ask who is God in my situation? Chao amigos!

When the darkness starts to invade our every space,
May the wisdom of your faithfulness shine in light.

When our hearts truly hurt as if there were to break,

May the wisdom of your love make us whole.

When our souls dance with joy and happiness,

So be it

 
(A product of Wilcox, Arizona, Danny has served all over the world as a United States Marine. A Crasher since 2006, Danny has been a key contributor to the culture of service at Crash. He has been married to Melissa, a Clinical Psychologist, for over four years. Danny’s daily work for Verizon’s business arm and his role as a board member of Northrise University Initiative keep him very busy. For more information on others living their Second Chance, check out the People of the Second Chance movement here)

(For more context to our conversation see Scott’s post on June 7th titled ” What we can learn from a New York congressman and his Twitter fiasco”)

This is really a tough one for me. My heart conflicts in a million emotions as it has all week watching the congressman and this whole fiasco. Let me be clear, I think his actions are not okay. They are painful and have hurt a lot of people. Particularly his wife, the women he chooses to engage with in this manner, his constituents and the list goes on and on and on. Their anger towards his actions is totally legitimate. However as I have watched, my heart has broken for the congressman. I have been in similar shoes. I have betrayed people I love and lied to cover it up. I have run from the light of truth deep into the darkness of shame and embarrassment. Deep inside I was caught in a place of deep shame but hell or high water I was not able to risk that someone would love me despite who I had been or what I had done. I absolutely agree 100% with Scott… none of us are above this! Not one of us can stand and say I have not betrayed someone. Ultimately this is about destructive, painful, and careless betrayal. Giving grace in these moments is very difficult. I think it is even more difficult if you are convinced that in your own dark moment of betrayal, you where not worthy of grace yourself.

I heard this quote and found it very fitting “Grace doesn’t always clean a man up — sometimes it’s just loving a man while he’s still dirty. And that happens by choice, not accident.” This is the God I serve, the One that loves me even while I am still dirty and lying to say I am clean. Make no mistake, I hope that the congressman reaches a state of brokenness in which he is able to look up to God and receive his grace. I hope that he has individuals in his life that surround him with support and accountability. But I do not feel that it is mine or the American public’s job to break him.

Not to mention that the congressman is not alone. Millions and millions (and growing) everyday are caught in a deep cycle of sex, cybersex, sex addiction, inappropriate relationships, etc. This is NOT confined to our politicians and celebrities. Cops, lawyers, doctors, businessmen, pastors, counselors, students, boys and girls across our world are caught in this deep dark issue. This is prolific, evidenced by the billion dollar porn industry and growing number of relationship issues caused by the new connected world.

The answer is neither turning our heads nor holding our foot on the heads of individuals caught in this dark pit. No, the answer is love, accountability and ultimately grace that comes from being a resurrection people. That is the way people change… that was at a minimum how I changed.

Check out this video to continue the conversation about giving and receiving grace.

(A product of Wilcox, Arizona, Danny has served all over the world as a United States Marine. A Crasher since 2006, Danny has been a key contributor to the culture of service at Crash. He has been married to Melissa, a Clinical Psychologist, for over four years. Danny’s daily work for Verizon’s business arm and his role as a board member of Northrise University Initiative keep him very busy. For more information on others living their Second Chance, check out the People of the Second Chance movement here)

On any given day I will encounter the phase “think outside the box”. The business world loves this phrase and it is often used as a way to try to encourage complex problem solving and innovation. I have never found it very useful. It is typically a “in the box” answer to complex issues or problems and does little to incite innovation and creativity. However, I do believe the phrase contains some fundamental truths and it has helped me to learn another little piece of who God is.

For the purpose of this blog the following is the definition of the “box” that I will be using. The “box” is commonly held standards, norms, notions, ideas, thoughts and processes in which one approaches a subject. I am not a psychologist (I am only married to one:)) or an academic who study’s the manner in which individuals approach situations with preconceived notions, so a little grace on the definition would be appreciated. None the less, I think it is safe to say that we all approach situations with, at a minimum, some very basic understanding of how the world works.

Thinking about who God is, is not any different for me. I approach the question of who God is with my understanding of the human constraints I face (time, gravity, space), influences from previous relationships and other biases from my history and current situations. This is not ground breaking stuff. Yet trying to see God without recognizing the box has been extremely difficult for me. “What I have done or who I am disgusts God “…. BOX! “God does not help out that way anymore” …BOX! “___ is the way to communicate with God”…. BOX! The more I look at the scriptures, the more I see that God is “in the box”,”outside the box” and sometimes He “is the box”!

This video of Emmanuel show the complexity of God and how He defies “the box” by forgiving a murder and is “the box” by being the love/strength/grace the mother can extend to Emmanuel.

(A product of Wilcox, Arizona, Danny Estavillo has served all over the world as a United States Marine. A Crasher since 2006, Danny has been a key contributor to the culture of service at Crash. He has been married to Melissa for over four years. Danny’s daily work for Verizon’s business arm and his role as a board member of Northrise University Initiative keep him very busy. For more information on others living their Second Chance, check out the People of the Second Chance movement here.)

He created all things in heaven and on earth… everything has been created through him and for him (Colossians 1:16 God’s Word)

I often struggle with the question of my individual value. I have come to learn in sharing my story that I am not alone in this struggle. The voice of judgment that questions the very fabric of who we are and why we are here haunts so many of us.  Feelings of inadequacy, fears of failure, and hugely unhealthy dosages of self-judgment rip at our hearts and souls. It is here in the midst of this deep pain and sadness about value and purpose I see one of my favorite traits of God.  

Whether you follow Jesus or not, it would be safe to say that much of our value and purpose on this Earth can be found in our belief about our creation. Much debate centers on the question of how we were created. I am the first to say I am not sure. I am not sure that God’s creation process didn’t take a lot longer than 7 days (like billions of years) or maybe it took exactly 7 days. I am not sure if he collided matter at incredibly high speeds or if He used some form of evolving one thing to the next, or maybe neither of these or both. But this I do know, that at one point there was nothing and God created something.  Out of nothing (not one single input or natural resource) God began to create everything.

For me, that is pretty mind-blowing! But the best part is when we start to ask why. Why did He create everything? The answer….… for Him.  God, created everything (that everything includes you and me) out of nothing and He did it for Him.  God’s creative process as it relates to the Earth, me, and the people and things I share it with, was as His special project for Himself.

I hang out with a bunch of people who are incredibly creative and artistic. I am not one of these incredibly artistic people but they are absolutely amazing. I have this one friend in particular who is a videographer, photographer, creative designer, guitarist and manages to sale a little real estate on his free time. He is one of those dudes that just have that creative “green thumb” and every project he touches just takes off. He has worked professional video gigs and even did the Christian rock star gig for a season.  The work that he does is really absolutely amazing. But the best work I have ever seen him create has been for him. He has created video for causes that he sees as an extension of himself and they are out of this world. It is the type of stuff that invokes tears, smiles and chills all at once. I haven’t asked him, but I bet it is safe to say he is most proud of the work he did for himself.  

My friend is not unique in this. Many artists and creative types hold their greatest works as work they did from their hearts and for themselves. This is what God has done.  We are his fondest creations the ones he is most proud of.  God is the creator of everything and we are His finest masterpiece!

Today, may you see and feel your value and beauty by knowing you were created by the One who created everything from nothing. And may you find your purpose in knowing you were created for Him and you are His most precious creation!

(A product of Wilcox, Arizona, Danny Estavillo has served all over the world as a United States Marine. A Crasher since 2006, Danny has been a key contributor to the culture of service at Crash. He has been married to Melissa for over four years. Danny’s daily work for Verizon’s business arm and his role as a board member of Northrise University Initiative keep him very busy. For more information on others living their Second Chance, check out the People of the Second Chance movement here.)

I must confess, I didn’t prepare a blog for this week. Among many excuses, the real reason is that I have been legitimately slammed. MBA finals and projects are due, work has stepped up a new demand, and helping my wife start her practice is a bit time-consuming. I am sure you are crying for me with pity by now…no need. All I ask for is a little grace, patience and a whole lot of prayers that I pass this finance exam (from my 1000′s of readers) !

Many of you know I have been on a journey of healing, redemption, love, pain and learning over the last 2 years. During that journey I have learned that the best question I can ever ask myself is “Who is God?”.  I have tried this over the last 18 -24 months. When I hit a stressful/confusing situation, I ask myself “Who is God?” rather than “What should I do?”. It has had amazing results in clearing my mind and moving my heart.

The videos below have been just a few places out of so many, where I heard an answer for who God is. I hope you enjoy!

This video is of a man who helped me to ask the question “who is God?” to start healing wounds. I hardly know him, but consider him a friend. I hope in this video you see that God’s door is never closed to us…never!

For me this video says that God is relentless in his pursuit of us.

I will no doubt hit the freak out button once or twice this week.  I am praying that I will be able to see who God is in the midst of my stress and I pray that you will be able to see Him as well!

I should be out of the weeds next week and look forward to blogging on!

(A product of Wilcox, Arizona, Danny Estavillo has served all over the world as a United States Marine. A Crasher since 2006, Danny has been a key contributor to the culture of service at Crash. He has been married to Melissa for over four years. Danny’s daily work for Verizon’s business arm and his role as a board member of Northrise University Initiative keep him very busy. For more information on others living their Second Chance, check out the People of the Second Chance movement here.)

There he was in front of hundreds maybe even thousands, on display for the world to see. In his last moments he was overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, shame, anger, hurt, and defeat. He thought about his life and from the very beginning it had been bad. It had been a life full of pain and despicable actions. He remembered how he had always wanted to be a good kid and a child that was loved.  That just was not the cards he was dealt. He felt like he was almost destined to be a failure.  At the very minimum, that was what his parents had always said and now he was in front of all these people who reaffirmed it. He could not argue. Deep in his soul he felt it was true.  He felt like he was “getting what he deserved”.

Even there, in the midst of his darkest hour he could not fathom why his friend, caught in their last act of failure together, had taken to antagonizing and mocking this man next to them.  It was uncalled for! They had done their fair share of hurting others in this world and were all too familiar with the judgment that was passed out to them in platefuls. Why on God’s green Earth would they take part in making a man, who seemingly had done nothing, feel more ashamed or alone? Why would they, in their last minutes go out making someone else feel as bad about themselves as they had their whole lives? Besides, this innocent man seemed so kind, so calm in the midst of chaos, and so loving despite all the hate.

He could not take it anymore. “Stop it!” he yelled at his once partner in crime. “Is the feeding frenzy of the masses not enough? Is the shame and gravity of our situation not heavy? Leave it be! He does not deserve this!”

Even with that, something inside him still stirred. Something shouted inside to reach out to the innocent man next to him, to be vulnerable, and to share his hurt. His life continued to flash before him like a movie. He remembered how many times “he was kicked while he was down” by those that he loved the most.  As his soul almost seemed to cry out to speak to the innocent man next to him, he knew just from His presence that the man would respond differently.

And with all the strength he could muster, he uttered “Sir, sir please hear me. My heart is full of pain. I am so ashamed of who I have been. My life’s work has been to fail. I am confused, angry and saddened. I deserve to be here, yet I don’t! I was so young with no one to….it does not matter anymore.  Please sir, please…I can tell that this is not your story.  I can just tell you are who you say you are. Please remember me sir!”

The innocent man responded, with a love the he had never experienced before, “My friend, there is no need for shame and hurt anymore. Today you will become a part of my family. Come and join me. My house is yours.  My Father will be so happy to have another guest in his home!”

The thief on the cross is not all too different from the reality many of us live on a daily basis. We struggle to see our self worth, we struggle to comprehend our own story/actions, and we struggle to navigate the guilt and shame we pour on ourselves and receive from others. Often we live there alone. Sometimes we try to bring others down with us. Sometimes we just hide.  Our crimes (the things that keep us up at night) may be different from the thief’s, but our hearts experience the same shame! Many of us desire just to be loved and cared for even when we “know” we do not deserve it.  That is our God; the one who deeply loves those who do not think they deserve it at all.

(A product of Wilcox, Arizona, Danny Estavillo has served all over the world as a United States Marine. A Crasher since 2006, Danny has been a key contributor to the culture of service at Crash. He has been married to Melissa, a clinical psychologist, for over four years. Danny’s daily work for Verizon’s business arm and his role as a board member of Northrise University Initiative keep him very busy. For more information on others living their Second Chance, check out the People of the Second Chance movement here.)

There he was again…alone.  Another day , filled with continuous fighting with the dogs for a scrap. It was not his “work” that hurt him so deeply. No, it was the fact that another day would pass and he would do it alone.  Loneliness, a state with which he had become all too familiar…but never comfortable. Something, as far as he could remember would not allow him to accept that he was alone.  He always found it a bit ironic that day-in and day-out he would encounter so many people. So many would walk by him. Some would stop to lend a hand while others to throw an insult. Rarely was he not within arm’s reach of another human. Yet, he was most definitely alone.

Something in the air today was different. There was a buzz, a chatter of sorts, about some teacher who was coming through town.  He personally knew little of this teacher, but then he heard it. Footsteps he knew, for his hearing was keen and for many years he sat hour after hour hearing footsteps. He learned that you could tell a lot about a person from the speed of their gait, the sound that was made when their sandal hit the dirt, and even the smell of their feet.  There was no doubt. He knew the first time he heard the sound of His sandal hit the deck that this man was different. He could hear and feel in his soul the tension the teacher emitted. Important yet loving, just but compassionate, controlled but powerful. He was different!

And as the footsteps grew closer, he knew. He knew deep in his soul that the teacher was “The Promise.”  You see, when one spends as much time alone as he had, you cherish the memories of the times when you were not alone. For 30 plus years he had been replaying in his mind the stories his Grandfather had once told him of The Promise to his people.  And here He was, live and in front of him! Almost as if he had lost control of his own words he shouted, “Teacher, you are The Promise, have mercy on me!” Despite the voices of those around him who laughed at him, he yells again, “Teacher, please hear me!”

Then, in the midst of the heckle and laughing from the crowd, he heard it. The very thing he had been yearning for year after year.  “Come here my Son. What is it you want?” spoke the Teacher. It was as if all had gone blank. The teacher had heard him and he cared.

He jumped to his feet, shouting and running with every step. “Teacher, I am lonely. I am a disgrace to my family…I am afraid, and It hurts so bad to be blind and alone. Help me!” And with a softness that can only be experienced, the Teacher spoke, “Brother, You are healed! You are not alone and never have been. I have and will always love you!”

This story is easy to skim by in the scriptures as it is difficult to imagine freedom from a physical disability if we have never experienced one. What if we are to replace the desperate Bartimaeus with our story? Rather than blindness, what if we replace it with our deepest pain/fear/darkest moment? What if the story read,  Bartimaeus was addicted to sex, porn, drugs, and alcohol. Or Bartimaeus was alone because of his fear of being vulnerable and the judgment he passed onto others. Or Bartimaeus was raped, molested and/or unfaithful. Or Bartimaeus was struggling to put food on the table for his family and felt worthless.  It’s when I take Bartimaeus and replace it with my name that I see how God responded in Bartimaeus’ vulnerability. God is love, understanding, and compassion in the midst of our deepest pain, shame, and loneliness!

Today, on this Good Friday, may the fact that God is love leave your head and travel the 18-24 inches to your heart!

Loving my 2^nd Chance,

Danny Estavillo

Mark 10:46-52 – Bartimaeus’ Story

A product of Wilcox, Arizona, Danny Estavillo has served all over the world as a United States Marine. A Crasher since 2006, Danny has been a key contributor to the culture of service at Crash. He has been married to Melissa, a clinical psychologist, for over four years. Danny’s daily work for Verizon’s business arm and his role as a board member of Northrise University Initiative keep him very busy. For more information on others living their Second Chance, check out the People of the Second Chance movement here.

I had one of those weeks, you know, the kind where you hope you only have one in a lifetime. The type that has you dealing with life and death, love and hate, past and future, others and yourself. The kind of week that leaves you shaking your head at the actions of some and smiling at the actions of others. The type where you’re glad that you made it through the storm but you can see the hurricane on the horizon. I guess you probably get it by now, it was bad. I feel like my character has probably never been tested so much. I was left really wondering how the heck I had navigated through the whole thing. “How in the hell did I just climb Everest without even training” I thought. Followed by “You know the worst part of getting to the top of Everest is that you still have to come back down and well, that is no joke. A lot of people die on the way down.”  Then, clear as day, as I decompress listening to my wife sing me a song and play her anniversary gift (I bought her a digital piano…thx Rocky!!), I hear God say “Danny you didn’t climb to the top, I carried you and I’ll get you back down. I’ve got your six”. First, it’s really cool God uses military jargon like, “I have your six!” Secondly, if you know me at all I am not the kind of guy that finds comfort in God carrying me up mountains. For the love of God, I am a Marine, and Marines carry themselves. Those who can’t are weak! Then I remember clearly I am weak. So this passage came to mind

Isaiah 46:4-5

…..I have made you. And I will carry you. I will take care of you. And I will save you. I am the Lord. Who will you compare me to? Who is equal to me? What am I like? Who can you compare me to?

God -Who will you compare me to?

Me - “Me probably”

God – Who is equal to me?

Me – “Well definitely not me……No one I guess”

God -”What am I like?”

Me -”Besides strong for carrying me (I’ve put on a few lbs since the Corps)…I guess you’re like the doc carrying out the injured, only you are always doing this, not just in one heroic act….you are courage, love, and strength.”

God -”Who can you compare me to?”

Me -”Hopefully no one the next time, but knowing me, I probably will…..just happy to know you’ll carry me again. Thanks”

Hasta Pronto,

Danny

So there was a Turkey that was born the day after Thanksgiving 2010 on a small rural farm. On the first day of his life, he was well cared for and fed the best turkey food around. On day two of his life, he was well cared for and fed the best turkey food around. The pattern continued day in and day out, and the Turkey grew and was very pleased with his life. On the day before Thanksgiving 2011 he ran into his friend, the Horse, who advised the Turkey of the fate he would face the next day and encouraged him to head for the hills. As the Turkey listen to the Horse, he quickly deployed his superior turkey intellect. He thought “The Horse is incorrect! There is no way that I will be in danger tomorrow.  I have been alive for 364 days (the denominator) and for 364 days I have been well cared for and fed (the numerator). The probability that I will be well cared for and fed tomorrow is 364/364 = 1, a 100%! The Horse is paranoid and I am going no where.” Well I’m sure you can imagine the fate of the Turkey. Let’s just say that while the Lions played the Cowboys the family was very very sleepy.

I wonder, how many times we forecast the future based on the data of the past? How often do we fail to recognize the new context we face in a scenario?  Why do we rely solely on our “superior turkey intellect” rather then listen for the voice of God or consider those he sends to help us discern? I know for me, most often my decisions about finances, career, and my well being are largely left to my “turkey intellect”….it’s not even superior! Not to the surprise of anyone, I have found myself on the dinner plate a few times when I could have avoided it by considering the suggestions of those people whom God has placed before me.

By the way, who said high school Math would not come in handy! That my friend, is a cool lesson in probability and its power or lack there of.  Thanks Dr. Lobo!

Hasta Pronto,

Danny Estavillo