I shared some quotes tonight at Crash tonight that have been affecting me in powerful ways.  Some of these I shared pieces of, others the full versions. I am posting them here, so you weren’t worried about copying them down.  Some great wisdom in these sentences.

“But suffering, suffering unites.  It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor or  black or white or right or left or young or old – if you have the same disease as someone else or if you both have a daughter with an eating disorderor have a brother in jail or had a spouse die or recently were fired – you have a bond that transcends whatever difference you have.    That’s what suffering does.”

-Rob Bell, Drops Like Stars

As I read and prepared for my talk this week, these quotes came to mind and they helped me process through why we remain so disconnected and distant from one another, even when suffering provides the context to bring us together and create community.

I started working at Starbucks last week. My position at North Phoenix is part time and it has come to a point where I needed to generate some more revenue to help accelerate the timeline for Dani and I to pay off credit card debt.  So, my “new normal” is two part-time jobs that could not be more INCREDIBLY different.

It has been a great experience.  One of the reasons is that I have two great bosses.  My manager, Katie, and my assistant manager, Nilda, have been amazing teachers and coaches.  Along with the staff, they have been generous, patient, and encouraging teachers who have made navigating a long learning curve very smooth and not overwhelming in any way.

One of the most powerful moments thus far came in my second interview.  I met with Katie to discuss my expectations regarding this job and my background, personality, work experience, etc.  After talking for some time, I asked Katie if I could ask her a question.  Knowing she had already been perceptive in picking up some unique things about me, I posed this question – “What are some of the challenges you see for me in doing this job well?”

Katie had something very surprising to say.  She said, “I think one of your greatest challenges in going to be managing your expectations of yourself.  You are going to feel like you should nail stuff right away and you won’t.  Whipped cream will explode on you.  You will burn your hand steaming milk.  You will spill a mocha and drop a frappaccino.  That’s okay.  Today, I dropped a Venti Caramel Macchiato all over myself.  It’s all in how you respond to these things.” I have been thinking about these words ever since (probably close to three weeks now).

I have incredibly high expectations for myself – in every area of my life.  I get down on myself when I don’t deliver what I feel like my peak performance could have been.  And these words were permission for me to come to terms with this and choose to respond differently.  It was incredible.

These words reminded of what a good friend once told me when we were talking.  He said, “Scott, God offers you more grace than you are willing to offer yourself.” I am not sure what the context was (probably me beating myself up for getting a 96 on a test instead of a 100 or something similar).  Yet, as Katie talked, I was also reminded of this friend’s words.  True words dripping with the power to set me free.

The power to set you free as well.  Maybe you aren’t the perfectionist I am.  Maybe you don’t analyze everything you said or did, looking for places to improve constantly.  But I would hazard a guess that there is some place in your life where you are leaving yourself on the hook in a major way. With a friend.  With your work.  With your spouse or significant other.  With a past decision.  With a lack of discipline.  With an action you regret.  And in that place, I would say, “God offers you so much more grace than you offer yourself.”

As I seek to manage my expectations today and learn more about inspiring and nurturing the human spirit, one cup, one person, one community at a time, I pray that you would manage your expectations as well.  I pray that you will accept the grace of God and allow that gift to transform that place in your life.

Where in your life does God offer you more grace than you offer yourself?

Sometimes, I find that questions can be just as powerful as declarative statements.
Sunday night’s talk from Maxie was a prime example of this. We labeled his two questions – “little question” and “big question”.

His little question was When faced with unjust suffering, will I remain a person of integrity?. I found this question extremely powerful because I believe we only truly discover what we believe when faced with crisis or suffering.
His big question was What did I think that it would mean to follow Jesus?. As Maxie mentioned, many of us have been given an idea of what it would mean to follow Jesus…and then we hit the wall of experience and we realize that there is a significant gap between what we thought it would mean…and what it does mean.

The Big idea for the night was We will not become people of integrity until we allow suffering to bring us face to face with injustice and yield to God.

After reading from John 15, and several passages in 1 Peter, Maxie also walked us through what our responses to unjust suffering can look like:
1. Camp in the valley embracing the anger, bitterness, hurt etc.
2. Reject God and turn back
3. Face the unjust suffering, yield to God and keep walking, crawling etc.

I loved Maxie’s illustration of the first option with this picture.

Maxie closed with this piece of commentary.
Suffering injustice is not just something to get past or get through so we can be happy again. It is in the valley of unjust suffering that we get a taste of the injustice that Jesus felt on the cross; we partake of His suffering and experience the true cost of integrity. Suffering for integrity brings us face to face with injustice and forces us to work through the disillusionment of what we thought it meant to follow Jesus. Suffering rarely achieves the outcome we want but it is not a waste of time or something to just get through either. There is nothing like suffering to clarify things.
Becoming a person of integrity like Jesus is not about fairness or justice; it is about being transformed into His likeness.

In this series, What a Waste, we are introducing what (for some) is a very revolutionary idea – that we are not only transformed into the likeness of Jesus through seasons of joy, but also seasons of suffering. And maybe, just maybe, the greatest change happens when the sky is the darkest and our pain is the strongest.

To check out the talk, go the Crash website.

Ever notice how much better some experiences are when they are shared?  I notice that I laugh louder when a big group of us watches a comedy.  Or a much-hyped movie is better when the theater is full.  Or the music seems better when I am shoulder to shoulder with a sea of people.  Or when I am one of many people reading the same book at the same time.  Something about shared experiences makes our expectations more likely to come true.

Last night, I joined about 120 other people from four different churches for an Ash Wednesday Service.  It was exciting to see people for whom Ash Wednesday is a normal yearly tradition and people for whom this was a brand new experience – all coming together.  This was my third Ash Wednesday service, the last two having been involved in planning and leading the experience.

Some of my favorite things about the service were:

-Seeing how true unity can happen when we move from a focus on what divides us to the only thing that can unite us – a focus on Jesus and his death and resurrection.

-Being grateful for the last minute help of so many people.  Our music team changed last minute.  I am so grateful for Carol Loveless and Rob Payne’s willingness to step up and lead last minute.

-I loved that the gathering of people included people who are followers of Jesus and not-yet followers of Jesus.  It was meaningful for me to plan and prepare knowing the names of faces of those who might come for whom faith in Jesus is something they are exploring.  The way I prayed and prepared changed dramatically when I realized this.

-Appreciating the different personalities of different leaders.  I struggled to speak to the 10 minute homily time frame last year, but my friend Shane Copeland did it so much better.  And his simple reflection on the idols in our lives (inspired by Tim Keller’s newest book, Counterfeit Gods) was powerful.

-The physical act of imposing ashes has to one of (if not THE) most incredible experiences I have had as a pastor.  Extremely vulnerable and almost emotionally naked, people come forward to receive ashes and I am bonded to them in a powerful way that goes beyond my ability to describe.  I am so privileged to have that honor the last two years and like last year, it is an experience that I will be processing for some time.

-For me, the way we did communion (very similar to normal Crash traditions) is so much more meaningful than simply passing a plate and holding an element until everyone is done.   I grew up with the whole pass the plate thing, and it has its place.  But I think having time and space to move and come forward raises the value and place for communion to a much larger role in the service than a simple “tacked on at the end” thing.  End of soap box!

-I was blown away by the spontaneous generosity of the people who came last night.  We gave $300 and change to Haiti disaster relief.  WOW!  What a great response from a service that reminded us of our mortality and fragility.

I am excited to be able to share the story of our experience with others who were not there and to move through the Lenten season in great anticipation of Good Friday and Easter.  As I said last night, the kind of preparation we make indicates the value we place on an event.  We are preparing well for the Passion Week, and I have great expectations.

I am a prideful person who loves being able to take care of himself and not need basic help from other people.  This kind of existence makes me feel better about myself, inflating my ego and improving my self-image.  I live in a nation where this kind of thinking is encouraged, inspired, empowered and rewarded.  And I am not alone.

This week, a combination of unrelated circumstances have led to this reality being undone.  I start a new part-time job tomorrow.  My wife is on call for her job.  We have one car.  She has to have it.  I am co-leading an Ash Wednesday service.  I am without reliable transportation.  So, yesterday, Generous Friend A let me borrow her car to get my haircut.  Then Generous Friend B took me to our softball game and brought me back home.  Generous Friend C loaned me his car this morning, so I could get a government issued permit related to my job.  In a few minutes, Generous Friend D will let me tag along on his lunch run so I can get final supplies for the Ash Wednesday service I am co-leading tonight.  Tomorrow Generous Friend E will give me a lift to work and Friday Generous Friend C will do the same as well.

All of that is a lot and frankly, it humbles me to the very core.  I don’t like asking for help.  I don’t like being in need.  I don’t like being at the mercy of other people.  I like being in control.  The master of my fate.  The captain of my soul. (as one poet put it).

Funny thing is…with Generous Friends A-E…I didn’t have to twist any arms.  I didn’t have to promise them money or repayment.  Most of them asked if there was anything else I needed.  One person is helping me twice.  One made a standing offer for the same time each week.  I didn’t expect that.

In his recent podcast, Ask Seek Knock, Rob Bell of Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan spoke out of Matthew 7, sharing how often we miss the truth of Jesus’ teaching here.  How we use language like “I hate to have to ask you this, but….” or “I am so sorry to call this late, but…”.  He shared about late-night complications that happened in his wife’s recent pregnancy and his realization that he was using language like “sorrow” and “hate” to describe asking family and friends to cover things while they took her to hospital and got her healthy.  Sorrow and hate were words he used to describe his feelings at death and injustice, and yet he was using them to describe how he felt for having to wake up a friend late at night or having to get a family member to come over and wake up his kids for school.  The words he was using were far too strong, and they revealed something deeply wrong in his worldview and interaction with others.

I was slapped across the face by his teaching related to the way in which we like not needing people, frankly, not needing God too.  We like being able to do life on our own.  I like being able to do it on my own. This week has illuminated this truth for me.  I like not needing people, at least not in great ways.  Not make or break ways.  This week, My prayers have changed incredibly, increasing in frequency and urgency.  Why?  Because I actually have need this week.

May this Lenten season be for you a time where you see (for the first time or in new way) your desperate need for God’s grace amidst your own sinfulness and your need for other people in community.  May God allow your need to shift your relationship with Him and others, so that you know what the blessing of receiving the generosity of His grace and the generosity of His people.

In discussing my talk from Sunday night at Crash, my friend made this comment to me – “it raised a lot of questions”.  The core ideas of this series – related to suffering – are challenging him as he thinks about the way he looks life and God’s involvement.  So we spent about 30 minutes volleying the tennis ball back and forth.  Frankly, I was refreshed by his honesty and the thoughts he brought to the table.  It challenged me as I move forward on my teaching plans in this series and as I look at the places in my life where I am living out what I am talking about.

I think that phrase – “it raised a lot of questions” is a good sign.  One, it means that he is listening.  As a communicator, this always makes me feel good.  Two, it means that he is thinking.  We talk about “thinking like Christ” a lot at Crash.  And he is doing it.  In his words…“I refuse to be a ‘Yes Christian’” (think Yes Man and move it into a spiritual context).  Three, it means he is moving the content of my talk into his life, which is the key to all that we do in the service on Sunday night. We say again and again, Crash is not a service; it is an idea, philosophy, a way of living life that a community of people have come together around. My friend is one who “gets it” and is doing it.

If you missed the talk, the Big Idea was “We serve a God who wastes nothing…not even our suffering and pain.” We looked at Jeremiah 8:8-13 and 29:4-14, along with Jesus’ take on the origin of man’s blindness in the first part of John 9 and his teaching about mourning and comfort in Matthew 5:4.  I reflected on how often we look at seasons of suffering and pain as “wasted” or “throw away” seasons, overlooking and neglecting the nature in which God is able to use suffering to accomplish great purposes in our lives. I described how important it is for us to trust GOD to not waste the suffering, not putting ourself in a place to explain why or how He does that.  We simply need to be present with those who suffering and hurt, admitting “this sucks” like Job’s friends did (before they opened their mouths and ruined everything).

For those who are interested in sharing it with friends, I opened the talk by sharing this video from the Late Show with Conan O’Brien circa February 2009 (pre-Jay Leno-and-Tonight-Show-drama.  The clip features comedian Louis CK talking about how much is lost or wasted on us, as we don’t appreciate so many of our experiences.  It set up the Big Idea for the night about God not wasting suffering or pain in our lives.  I found this hilarious and insightful.

I have a love/hate relationship with Francis Chan.  His simple teaching style and authentic spirit first captured me when I was at the Passion Conference in Atlanta in January 2007 (he was the leader of a group I was a part of and he gave a powerful talk to 25,00o college students).  His newest book, Forgotten God: Reversing our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit, was a great read this fall.

“A stoppable force.” Do you think he has a point?

-Gonna be a busy weekend. Heading out to Prescott, AZ this evening for North Phoenix Student Ministry’s Mid-Winter Retreat. Going as a family group leader for 11th grade guys.  It’s gonna be cold and I won’t sleep much.  But one of the best weekends I spend all year.

-Coming back early Sunday afternoon to teach at Crash.  We launch our new series, What a Waste: A Series on Suffering.  Talking about suffering on Valentine’s Day is quite ironic, but trust me, it could have been worse.  :-)

-I am incredibly excited about this new series.  It has challenged and pushed Maxie and I in ways few other series have.  Definitely will be a “messy” series, but we are praying one of our most hopeful ever as well.

-My most meaningful moment as a pastor came last February when I go to be involved in planning and leading an Ash Wednesday service with my friend, Shane Copeland, pastor of St. George’s Anglican Community in Downtown Phoenix.  We are having another service this year.  This upcoming Wednesday, February 17th, at 7:15pm in the Chapel at North Phoenix.  Four or five churches will be involved and I promise you it will be a worthwhile and moving experience.  Please come and invite friends to join you.

-I start a new job next week. Yes friend, let the jokes begin, but I am now a barrista at Starbucks, 35th Avenue and Bethany Home location.  While I have done whatever was necessary to get the job done, I do have a part-time position at North Phoenix and need to supplement my income.  So, starting next week, my family begin what we are calling a “new normal”. (And, no, I don’t need reminders to be careful of eating food in the store or watching my coffee intake.  If you were thinking I needed a comment regarding this, you don’t know my wife well enough!)

-There is only one TV show that I watch first-run episodes of – Burn Notice on USA. I have been excited to have it back, but with the shows starting Thursdays at 11pm on Cox, and having a 6am alarm daily,  I have been watching via Hulu a couple of days later.  I don’t know why I didn’t start engaging Hulu sooner.  It is saving me at least two hours of sleep a week.

-I enjoyed watching the Super Bowl last Sunday night (the most-watched event in TV history, eclipsing the series finale of MASH), but I missed the intro to the game.  Found this video online later.  Love the merging of classical sound with a hit R&B/rap song. A great example of the future of music.

this question has been a big one for me lately. I love/hate the power of this question. The power is illustrated well in the following clip from the Untouchables.

I was watching the film, Shadowlands, recently in preparation for our new Crash series, What a Waste. In one scene, C.S. Lewis (played by Anthony Hopkins) has a funny exchange with some of his students during a small group session. One student is sleeping through Lewis’ discussion of Aristotle’s position on plot and character. Lewis uses the sleeping students as an example of Aristotle’s view that plot was character, and one needed only to look at the character’s actions to discipher who they were and what they cared about. “We know he is always sleeping in class; the question is why does he come if he is going to sleep.” When the student wakes up, experiences the embarassment of Lewis’ confrontation, and walks out of class. Lewis watches him leave and says, “Well, the plot thickens.”

In a recent conversation with a friend, we talked about how we tend to judge others by their actions, but we judge ourselves by our intentions. We get frustrated with someone who doesn’t follow through on a promise, yet we let ourselves off the hook because “I kept meaning to get around to that.” Well, in the words of Aristotle, plot reveals character. Our intentions – the true ones – are proved by our action or lack of action. Going back to the Untouchables exchange, the real issue is not intentions but actions. And if I am not prepared to move in a certain direction and don’t, then why do I keep talking as if I am open to that, okay with that, or for that?

Like you, I can talk a good game and can rationalize things well – both in my head and to others. I do a really good job of telling other people who I think I am. But should my focus be on telling them who I am, trying to convince them? Or should I just live, making choices that reveal my character and intentions?

But the question I keep coming back to is, “Well, Savage, with all that being said, what are you prepared to do?”

Question: Is there a place in your life where you are (or need to be) asking this question?

I watched this video yesterday and thought, “incredible content + incredible presentation = standing out in a crowd.” The poem was written and performed by spoken word artist Taylor Mali and the typography graphic work was done by a student, Ronnie Bruce. I found this funny, insightful, challenging, beautiful, and inspiring.

How about you?