I spent time with a good friend today, and we discussed an important topic. We all have the tendency to project our experience and struggles onto others, instead of just dealing with the issue within ourselves.
It is not my intention or understanding that this topic is self-projection. I dabbled in this area about four months ago on the blog and got some positive feedback, did more research and exploration. More and more, I find it to be bigger than just my experience. And the more I see and hear, the more of a burden it becomes and the deeper into it I push.
So, on to part two. I am 25 years old, with a distinct sense of calling to lead a church in the not-too-distant future. And not just the teaching/preaching/speaking part (whatever term you like best). But the whole visionary leadership, equipping and empowering, shepherding and encouraging part too.
In days past, I would be serving as a youth pastor right now. Then I might get the opportunity to be an associate pastor and “learn how to preach”. By the time I was in my mid-thirties, I would get a chance to take over an existing church, remaining there for 15 years or so. Later, I would take another church somewhere else for 15-20 years, and retire to teach or work for my denomination. That’s how it worked. You put in your time, and you got your chance.
But there’s a different world out there. Church planting is exploding and there are so many reasons for this that I could do a whole other blog series on it. But I want to pick two that are relevant to our discussion.
First, in many places, twenty-something leaders are being encouraged to bide their time. In another era, workers remained loyal to the same factory or company or institution for their whole career. However, sports are not the only place where free agency reigns. In the words of a wise friend in his 60s, his generation mortgaged their loyalty to a company and my generation is all about the lease. In my profession, ministers who are not given an opportunity to lead have the option to go plant a church – at my age and younger.
Second, as is true in other fields, the older generation is holding on for longer and longer. Retirees are re-entering the job market and working later than ever. This is also true in the church, where the average age of senior pastors increased five years to 51 within the last decade. Additionally, the older generation is holding on for longer and longer because of fear. They are afraid of changes. They are uncertain about the future and they do not understand the intentions and perspective of a younger generation. I am okay with fear, but I am intolerant of its presence as a primary motivating force for decisions and actions.
Let me be clear. I am not opposed to the older generation or their continued leadership within the church. I welcome it. Nevertheless, on a regular basis, there is a jamming of leadership space with older generations who cannot and will not pass the baton on to the younger generation. And in this present day, the two options left to a younger generation are to wait and continue to serve in their present place or leave that organization, company, or institution to launch something new where they will have a chance to lead.
And this is the place where the height of tension exists for me. Often, this departure from the establishment and traditional to the new establishment and the new traditional is often also a departure from a multi-generational context to a uni-generational context. And I think the church is supposed to be a multi-generational community. I believe children should be influenced by Social Security recipients. I believe twenty somethings should eat meals with mentors old enough to be their parents. I believe the “next generation” is in desperate need of the wisdom of the generations that have gone ahead of them. But the next generation cannot be treated as if they will just sit on the backburner until prime real estate opens up and they are returned for.
The struggle is that this cross-generational wisdom is not exchanged and this reciprocal mentoring does not take place by sitting in the same worship service. It is not exchanged by participating in the same programs. It is not exchanged by even working for the same organization or institution. It is exchanged in the context of real, authentic, transparent relationships.
Therefore, the challenge in our path is to explore solutions that are not programs. Solutions do not come from teaching a series of lessons, writing a book, or even a series of blogs. You don’t preach people into a new pattern of behavior. It takes a series of people seeking to intentionally form relationships that navigate this chasm and beginning to reverse the direction of traditional mentoring, creating the context for real reciprocal mentoring and exchange that is built on the foundation of authenticity, vulnerability, humility and trust.
I don’t want to be a free agent, but I also want to be mentored and prepared for my future calling. And I love my peers, but they are insufficient for this challenge. And I feel that I am left alone and abandoned to navigate this chasm. Its as if this generation gap is like a middle school dance with both groups sitting in chairs on either sides. No one wants to dance, and everyone is afraid that the punch will run out before our parents get here to pick us up.
-Savage
(Check back tomorrow for some of my thoughts on we can practically navigate this gap because anyone can point out what’s wrong. Very few actually stop talking and do something to change reality. I want to be a part of that latter group.)
What can I do?
I admire you desire to lead. I myself am 27 and attending seminary, training to one day lead God’s people. I understand your assessment of the church leadership and its current structure. The only concern I have is you assertion that the “elder generation” is blocking the progression of younger groups trying to move up. I would encourage you to remember that God’s calling in our lives is not contingent on age. Ministers are ministers (for the most part) not out of fear, but out of a sense of calling. Just as you and I are called to lead, so are they. This sounds as though you are saying, at a certain age a minster should stop being true to his calling to make room for another person with the same calling.
I am all for inclusive preaching. A pastor would do well by his church to spread out the message. Invite numerous pastors to speak and share in the responsibility of proclaiming the gospel. However, we must remember that they are just being true to the call God placed in their heart.
Also, with the nature of the current ministries, getting some time under a good minister and learning what to and what not to do in ministry is not that bad of an idea. Here are some staggering statistics that lead me to believe “get your feet wet” in a less stressful environment first under a pastor is a great benefit.
• 1,600 pastors in US churches quit or resign from their jobs every month
• 100 SBC pastors leave their ministry every month.
• nearly 20 percent of pastors suffer stress or burnout
• 50 percent of pastors become divorced
I can see both sides of the coin. When I am 51, I hope that I can still be relevant and still be true to my God and His purpose for my life. Also, right now I am searching like crazy for a position at a church. I just feel that once God puts me in a spot, I can serve the people as long as the good Lord is willing.
In Christ
Erik Yielding
Is it possible that this issue is so magnified now, more so than with past generations, because the Church is changing? Because the younger generation isn’t just younger but their worldview is different from the older generation?
I spent the 4th of July with relatives of my cousin. They took us to their church’s God and Country celebration. Looking over the church that night it was a sea of white hair. There was a full color montage of presidents in a slide show and they clapped for Reagan and not for Clinton, for GW Bush and not for Obama. The message was like something you would hear on Rush Limbaugh or the O’reilly Factor. As I sat there I didn’t know whether to cry or throw up. All I could think was – if this is “the church” there is no place for me in it.
I tell this story not to judge these people or anyone who might agree with them but to say, for me this is the roadblock. I don’t agree with them politically, I don’t agree with them on issues like faith vs works and how to serve the poor. Really the things they said in regard to the government “helping people” made me sick. I wanted to remind them Jesus wasn’t an American. But I didn’t do anything – I just sat there and that night after we left I asked myself some tough questions – like am I really willing and able to do this church thing again? Do I have the energy to work for change or dialogue with people within the church or do I just go my own way and do my best to live like Jesus and tell religion to stick it?
I served at a church in Texas where the pastor was nearly 70 years old. He is an amazing man – kind, gentle and loving. He is beloved in his community. And yet working with him in youth ministry was tough – we were having a night on sexual purity and wanting to talk to the teens about things outside of just sexual intercourse and what it really means to be chaste. We were briefing him prior to the night and he asked us to change what we were going to say because he didn’t want us to give them ideas. When I told him that many of our teens are already sexually active he said, “Oh no, not our kids.” I encouraged him to look at their myspace pages but of course did as he asked.
I think God is calling many new pastors to church plant because the traditional church is not going to work for a lot of young adults. We need leaders (at least I know I do) who are willing to think out side the box when it comes to what church means. People like me do not care about the building or the programs – we want people to journey with and opportunities to truly serve others. People like me want to know that their tithe goes to the poor not to the building fund. And I don’t want to just give my money – I want to become a part of the people’s lives who we serve. And I need to know my calling, whatever it may be, will be honored by my church even though I am a woman, and a democrat, and an activist with an ecumenical background. The leaders of the church I was raised in (who are still leading) did not.
At the heart of this issue is, for me, trust. I do not trust an older generation to value me or my perspective. It’s something I have to work on.
Melinda
Melinda,
Two Sundays ago I walked out of the service which was underway at NPBC. If I don’t like the movie I leave. If I don’t like the service I leave. If I don’t like the speaker I leave. The point is no one ties me down to stay. Point is I’ve even walked out of Crash more than once because Scott pissed me off.
Rebellion isn’t necessary a bad thing, but after the fact is too late. As part of the establishment and second generation Quaker we are not of the norm, and honestly; I think the norm sucks. But after reading the entry I have a great idea! Let’s take a page out of the University of Phoenix book and generate a central church and we will call it University of North Phoenix Baptist Church. Inside we will create different colleges, or churches; which will categorize us based on a supplement close to E-Harmony. We will first start out with maybe a question like which political party do you belong to? Of course we will have to ask age, sex, race, sexual preference, and the list continues. The church will resemble a splinter cell keeping everyone apart because we are so different.
I’m on the edge of just ridicules and I know it, and some of you that may be reading this may think my butter has slipped off my noodles again…no. So maybe this will help you. After years of attending special classes to join my father’s church it came time for me to join; I rebelled. I felt that no one was listening because I was asking for evidence that God did existed. I continued to rebel against churches that had self serving forum and that’s when years ago Pastor Dan said something I will never forget, “Take your eyes off the flock and put your eyes on God.”
In short if you don’t like something hunt it down and take it on head first and don’t sissy out because you will be different than everyone else. I have to believe that as Christians if we don’t start a rebellion with centralized leaders who are outside the box then go pick out a tomb stone because you are spiritual dead.
By the way, I am part of that older generation.
Michael
7
Hi Michael –
Thank you for your perspective. I shared that story to illustrate what I think is a factor in the generation gap particularly among Christians – politics, or more specifically the marrying of politics and church. Your example of the e-harmony church is not my idea of church – I want a church that is a group of people with differing ideas and beliefs so that I can be challenged by that. My issue at this particular church was that it didn’t feel as though there was room for anyone but those who were in agreement. I don’t think politics and religion have anything to do with each other with the exception of people voting as a result of their conscience which may or may not be formed by religion.
As for “sissying” out or rebelling – I did neither. That church is not my authority – there was nothing to rebel against. And I certainly was not going to walk out of there for a couple of reasons: 1. I was someone’s guest and I have manners and 2. I don’t believe in walking out just because I’m uncomfortable or the minister makes me upset – I stay and I work through it. If I leave I don’t have the full perspective.
It’s funny that you use the word rebel because I think that view of what’s happening is part of issue. If we are viewed by an older generation as rebelling rather than just having another perspective there is a problem. We aren’t kids rebelling against school rules – we are adults and we have valid opinions.
I’m not on the younger end of this gap – I’m 33.
I’m 43 this year. That probably should put me in the older generation but I don’t feel like I belong there. In fact, I feel very disconnected from the named “older” generation. After talking with Scott and reading his blog, I’ve struggled to find the words to describe where I am in the spectrum. Until now.
I agree with Scott. The ex/change is going to happen in the relationships not in the service. It’s going to happen when I find where I am accountable for widening the gap into a chasm.
We can walk out and we can rebel but, in my opinion, that widens the gap even further through contempt.
When confronted with this idea, I’ve discovered where I’ve perpetuated the disconnect. I’ve made broad, sweeping assumptions based on cursory observations, hearsay, and out of context claims that they are not the Christian I want to become. The more I’ve indulged that, the more disconnected I’ve become.
Do you see? I haven’t really cared enough to listen or learn from them based on those things. That’s how I’m contributing to the gap and the longer I do that, the bigger it will get.
I struggle to sit in the NPBC service. I don’t connect with Dan when he is speaking in a service the same way I connected with him in a meeting I had with him prior to my baptism. But what I’ve come to learn about becoming a wide-awake follower of Christ is that it isn’t about me, the individual, and what pisses me off, or who I like or don’t like. For me, it’s about serving God and others in my community and beyond.
Guess what? The older generation is part of my community and part of me serving them is giving more of myself than I expect from them. That begins with me finding the courage and humility to engage in inquiry and to have conversations; being open to the possibility that they aren’t always wrong but that my assumptions, most often, are wrong. Otherwise, I’m wasting their time and living up to the same broad, sweeping assumptions based on cursory observations, hearsay, and out of context claims that I am not the Christian I SHOULD become.
Sounds of Silence
I went back over the last three years of blogs and noted that for the most part responses have not been from younger members of Crash or any other “younger” group. Sounds of Silence. I’ve set in services as Max and Scott try their best to reach out the group which by the way segregates like inmates in a prison yard keeping to their own little clicks. Maybe they are still adjusting to the school house norm they have learned in the lunch room. Sounds of Silence. They pass by the new faces, older faces, convicted faces in group chatting away like a bunch of sparrows in a tree. Last time I walked by one of these groups I said hi and they stopped talking until I went by. Sounds of Silence.
Both of you didn’t like my idea of walking out if I didn’t like something as a lack of manners. Or it’s better to be uncomfortable or “sickly” or “disconnect?” I disconnect until my reasoning catches up to my mood and then I confront with an open mind. But I’m not here to defend who I am but I’ll get back to the original thread…the generation gap. Scott made a good point, do we let him twist in the wind because we enjoy watching failure? But this isn’t about Scott but multiple generations. In fact NPBC isn’t about Scott it’s about God and this entry isn’t about me but should be about God, or Sounds of Silence. On that note I’m done on this subject…but will leave you with “Sounds of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel which shouts the past to our future.
The Sound Of Silence (3:08)
P. Simon, 1964
Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
‘Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
“Fools,” said I, “you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you”
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said “The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence
sorry note three years but as far back as I could
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