I had one of those weeks, you know, the kind where you hope you only have one in a lifetime. The type that has you dealing with life and death, love and hate, past and future, others and yourself. The kind of week that leaves you shaking your head at the actions of some and smiling at the actions of others. The type where you’re glad that you made it through the storm but you can see the hurricane on the horizon. I guess you probably get it by now, it was bad. I feel like my character has probably never been tested so much. I was left really wondering how the heck I had navigated through the whole thing. 
“How in the hell did I just climb Everest without even training” I thought. Followed by “You know the worst part of getting to the top of Everest is that you still have to come back down and well, that is no joke. A lot of people die on the way down.” Then, clear as day, as I decompress listening to my wife sing me a song and play her anniversary gift (I bought her a digital piano…thx Rocky!!), I hear God say “Danny you didn’t climb to the top, I carried you and I’ll get you back down. I’ve got your six”. First, it’s really cool God uses military jargon like, “I have your six!” Secondly, if you know me at all I am not the kind of guy that finds comfort in God carrying me up mountains. For the love of God, I am a Marine, and Marines carry themselves. Those who can’t are weak! Then I remember clearly I am weak. So this passage came to mind
Isaiah 46:4-5
…..I have made you. And I will carry you. I will take care of you. And I will save you. I am the Lord. Who will you compare me to? Who is equal to me? What am I like? Who can you compare me to?
God -Who will you compare me to?
Me - “Me probably”
God – Who is equal to me?
Me – “Well definitely not me……No one I guess”
God -”What am I like?”
Me -”Besides strong for carrying me (I’ve put on a few lbs since the Corps)…I guess you’re like the doc carrying out the injured, only you are always doing this, not just in one heroic act….you are courage, love, and strength.”
God -”Who can you compare me to?”
Me -”Hopefully no one the next time, but knowing me, I probably will…..just happy to know you’ll carry me again. Thanks”
Hasta Pronto,
Danny
Danny,
I can relate to your entry. It reminds me of the poem, “Foot Prints.” But that’s all it is…look behind you some time; there are no extra foot prints. Given to stressful times God adds what to the bottom line? Takes away the pain? Talks to you like a spiritual Dr. Phil? Nope. So Dan we labor under the stifles only to give the credit to a voiceless coach. Not to be completely deleterious but under recent hostel legal actions, training for a fight, and spending thousands of dollars on attorneys I never once had God step in front of me at the movie line and say, “here, let me buy that ticket.”
So when does God pick up the bucket and physically help out…or does he just say because he created the water it’s our problem to carry the weight.
Michael
7
Micheal,
Sir, I appreciate your open and honest opinion and feedback. You are absolutely right that as you look back often there are no recognizable footprints. Other times there are, in the form of some human that God has placed in your life to help carry the weight. I have not ruled out that God can/is a counselor (Dr.Phil as you put it) for many individuals. I know many individuals of sound mental health, that dialogue with God daily. They hear His voice and see His hand in ways that most of us never are able too. Are these people merely delusional? I think not rather these individuals have met a level of maturity in their individual walks with Christ that gives them the ability to recognize/understand the hand of God in their lives. For me I believe God’s promises, to not give us burdens we can not handle, is true. I believe that He will not leave me when I need him most. Not to say that I have always felt like he has lifted the burden and to this I have two thoughts. One, how many times does God lift our bucket and we are not able to understand that He did? You see Mike for me God spoke to my heart through the word’s Melissa sang and the scripture He has given me. Unbelievable coincidence….maybe? I choose to believe that God made those two things happen simultaneously so I would remember what our relationship is all about. But if it was not for a song and a few lines of scripture I would have been able to see God’s active role in my scenario. Secondly, here is my disclaimer; I have no idea if you will ever KNOW for sure that He has carried your load. There are plenty of people like, Mother Teresa, who struggled with this for a lifetime. God does not work in black and white….there is a lot of color out there in God’s world. So your relationship and burdens maybe uniquely different than mine but I know that he has carried me a time or two. I know it because His word promises it and I have seen it. Thanks for your willingness to put your situation out here.
Danny
Dan,
Thank you for your response. To quantify Christ has been a difficult challenge. I take promises given and taken very seriously. I guess my question of ratio or percentage of involvement is what causes me again to go back to the chalk board and change the quadratic. Maybe I’ll be one of the lucky Christians who will go my whole life without a unit of measure via voice or action because “He” thinks is necessary. However this is my struggle and again I appreciate your input. Has God put new people into my life or is this the result of proximity. For example, even a blind man with a bat eventually will hit a pitched baseball…it doesn’t make him a baseball player but lucky just by numbers. So, I’ll keep swinging and trying and content with an absent landlord. It just sometimes I feel that I’m flying in the dark, by the seat of my pants, and with a loose joy stick.
Michael
7
P.S: Or maybe my question of accountability is a defense of acceptance?